Should We Date

Over the years as a pastor, one of the most common questions I get in pastoral counseling is: Should I continue dating or should I marry who I am currently with? Maybe you are wondering the same thing.

There are some practical, common sense ways to know if you should continue or walk away from someone you are dating.  Every single guy and girl should ask these questions before and during a dating relationship.

People become so enamored with the idea of someone that they go brain-dead to the reality of who they are actually dating.  Just because you are “in love” with someone does not mean it is a good idea, and it definitely does not mean it is God’s will that you marry them!!!

So with that in mind I would encourage you to add these six questions to the arsenal of your dating endeavors.

1.  Are you constantly having doubts about your relationship?  Is there a nagging doubt that will not go away? Are you constantly questioning whether he or she is the right one for you?

2.  Is a large part of your relationship centered on the physical (sexual sin)?  This is by far the quickest way to destroy a God-honoring relationship.  When a couple practices sex out of marriage, common sense goes out the window and lustful desire takes over.  It is very difficult to then think rationally about who you are dating when you enter into sexual promiscuity.

3.  Is there drama, arguing, and constant late night discussions?  Healthy relationships don’t have three to six hour arguments and fights, or conversations that last until the wee hours of the morning, unless you are in middle school of course.

4.  Is there spiritual inequality?  It is not a great idea for a believer and a non-believer to enter into a dating relationship.  Yes, yes, yes, there have been marriages where this has been successful. The reality is that it is most often unsuccessful. You can load a gun with one bullet and point it at your head and pull the trigger and the chances are that you will not shoot yourself. But who would risk it? Lets face it, “missionary dating” is not a good way to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. Hoping they will change after marriage is foolish.

5.  Are you honest about your maturity?  How do you (or they) deal with conflict?  How do you (or they) deal with money?  How much time do you (or they) spend online, playing video games, entertaining yourself (or themselves)?  Do they have a long stream of relationships without any commitment to long-term relationships?  Do they act like a child or an adult when they don’t get their way? How do they treat or respect your friends and family?

6.  Do they allow accountability from fellow believers?  Are you trying to do your relationship without involving your parents, elders, pastors or trusted friends? Do you ask for their prayer and discernment? Or better yet, do you ignore what they have to say because they believe your relationship is toxic and you are “so in love” you can’t see it for what it is? Do you disconnect from their counsel?

Are there other questions that you think should be considered when praying about your future mate? If so post them in the comment feed below?

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